backsliding
I am not backsliding. My spiritual level has always been there and it has never really improved. The doubts are still there from when I started and it just kind of surfaced coz basically I don't enjoy cell at all and I am bored to hell during service simply,I'm saying church sucks. Problem with cell is nobody treats me seriously I'm just like some joker and they are all very holy and I am very pressured and dare not share a lot of stuff with them. Yes I have a second fucked up messed up life full of backstabbing gossiping discrimination and everything that the bible condemns except maybe sex and murder.oh wait then again maybe just no murder. nobody in church can understand my life except maybe one or two depending on the canoeing season.yes you are half the people that know me at all in church. Still it isn't your fault that am feeling this way now I mean I have to face this problem sooner or later so might as well have it now. Today I was super cynical pointing out people from christian fellowship who aren't singing during chapel and then i attempted to read da vinci code during the message. oh well we'll see how things go after the one month break from church maybe I'll not even return.Sometimes I wish everything dan brown says is right. I believe in progress not perfection.Maybe jesus wasn't all perfect himself.
Today was crap. ok 99 percent because of the weather. I was so excited to play basketball and it rained then we went to gym. btw did I mention how i really hate AC teachers? Especially the science departments which are so useless. taking A level in ACJC trains one's self-studying skills more than anything else. So tmr is spa I wanna cheat but I don't really know the people from triple science combi who are in the first shift so zzz.
Just now something interesting happened.
Reasonably pretty girl walks up and asks if i understand chinese. I said yes and the following was in mandrian
girl: my grandma's in hospital I need 2 dollars to take an mrt there can u please help me?
me(feeling skeptical and horny): I don't have 2 bucks but I can ask my mum to give you a ride I'm going to NUH area too she's waiting at the carpark nearby
girl: oh ok I'd really like that thank you
me: ok that was just bullshit to test if you really wanted to go there or were just out to cheat money here's two dollars.
girl (looks insulted) : do i look like a con-girl to you?
me: they're usually quite pretty so I would say u look like one
girl (smiles and picks up stone from floor): here's a magic stone for you
me: my fever's going away already
girl:whatever I gtg bye
me: now my fever really is going away :( bye
haha i thought that was interesting. gotta admit she does have an attitude though.
Today was crap. ok 99 percent because of the weather. I was so excited to play basketball and it rained then we went to gym. btw did I mention how i really hate AC teachers? Especially the science departments which are so useless. taking A level in ACJC trains one's self-studying skills more than anything else. So tmr is spa I wanna cheat but I don't really know the people from triple science combi who are in the first shift so zzz.
Just now something interesting happened.
Reasonably pretty girl walks up and asks if i understand chinese. I said yes and the following was in mandrian
girl: my grandma's in hospital I need 2 dollars to take an mrt there can u please help me?
me(feeling skeptical and horny): I don't have 2 bucks but I can ask my mum to give you a ride I'm going to NUH area too she's waiting at the carpark nearby
girl: oh ok I'd really like that thank you
me: ok that was just bullshit to test if you really wanted to go there or were just out to cheat money here's two dollars.
girl (looks insulted) : do i look like a con-girl to you?
me: they're usually quite pretty so I would say u look like one
girl (smiles and picks up stone from floor): here's a magic stone for you
me: my fever's going away already
girl:whatever I gtg bye
me: now my fever really is going away :( bye
haha i thought that was interesting. gotta admit she does have an attitude though.
posted by here's to all our vice at 10:05 PM
2 Comments:
hmmm, i dont know eh. but the feeling you give me from all these blogging is that u feel more and more triumph (or sth like tt) the further u find yourself drifting away from God?...like, u're giving in to everything in opposing this faith, like...your heart is hardened or sth?...u mean u really dont feel a thing at all now...? not at all? hmm...i guess i shouldnt say much. but since u dun wanna put ur faith in Him, i'll do it on your behalf.
your entire entry contradicts ur first sentence.=\
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