Post Promos Stress
ok I'm back on blog sorry for the delay in revival due to a mad computer and 72 hours.
Right so I'll start from where I left off. Promos. Ack. Didn't go very well so i don't think I'll be kepping four subjects, will probably drop physics. The results will be out this friday.fingers crossed.
So the dreadful examination period is over but I've got a load on my mind heavier than any textbooks will ever be. Relationships with people, the church and soccer are totally blowing my mind off.
So much of the time we think about how people have been disappointing and picking out little imperfections about them but what if one day you wake up to realise that you've been the disappointment? I've been doing so much wrong in dealing with people especially those I do not like. Maybe i've really become more and more like the person who I've spent all this while condemning. Who would have known we would swap places. I'm pretty pissed with myself leaving the backdoor open like that. It's never easy to admit you're wrong and it's even harder to ask for forgiveness but I guess I'd have to give it a shot, there's no other way to answer to myself besides doing that.Hope time will do the rest.
We always learn things the hard way, the easy way just doesn't get the messages across. we'll never appreciate things till we've lost them and appreciation is one important ingredient in a friendship. And yes I learnt it the hard way. It feels terrible to stray unintentionally from a close friend and trust is one thing that you can't get back without losing some each time it's broken. oh wow another addition to my list of fucked up relations.
I've taken so much comfort in church and in cell recntly, more than I have ever. Probably because of the couple of strained relations in school but also because the church is a place where i can live as who I want to be and not who I am presently. Speaking so much about wanting to become a better person, i soon realised that I needed to actually start living it at some point in time and church has really provided me the opportunity. Yes it's not easy entering into a 360 degrees change in school and everyday life with all the people who know you so well. At some point of time though I'll have to start being betetr in daily lie as well and I'm giving in fully to the temptation of procrastination on this matter.
Finally, soccer is driving me nuts, I'm not enjoying it anymore. Competition is killing the beautiul game, at least for me. Pressure to perform is sky high and everything about the team since to be adding on to the stress level. Once in a lifetime yes, but i would want the opportunity only if it's a once in a lifetime chance to play alongside people and enjoy the game. love and brotherhood in soccer team is such bullshit, it's so far from that it makes so many of us look like politicians. And since we're in a compulsary state of unity(meaning we have to play as a team), I'm starting to wonder if I want to win it with this team. I don't really feel that much desire to, and that's just because i just have no love for this team. I'm sure so many of them feel the same way too with all the talk of wanting to win something for personal glory and fame and whatever else. To put it simply we are not a unit but seperate pieces of jigsaw which as far as I can tell don't even fit in the same puzzle.
So there's a summary of everything that's going on in my head right now. We had some farewell party for j2s yesterday as a cell. Rather pleased with the event since the j1s planned it and it went on smoothly. Kind of scary to see how stressed out they are right now and I'm just 12 months away from it. life sucks doesn't it. Anyway I got to know some people better and I'm rather happy about it.
There, an ending on a happy note.
Right so I'll start from where I left off. Promos. Ack. Didn't go very well so i don't think I'll be kepping four subjects, will probably drop physics. The results will be out this friday.fingers crossed.
So the dreadful examination period is over but I've got a load on my mind heavier than any textbooks will ever be. Relationships with people, the church and soccer are totally blowing my mind off.
So much of the time we think about how people have been disappointing and picking out little imperfections about them but what if one day you wake up to realise that you've been the disappointment? I've been doing so much wrong in dealing with people especially those I do not like. Maybe i've really become more and more like the person who I've spent all this while condemning. Who would have known we would swap places. I'm pretty pissed with myself leaving the backdoor open like that. It's never easy to admit you're wrong and it's even harder to ask for forgiveness but I guess I'd have to give it a shot, there's no other way to answer to myself besides doing that.Hope time will do the rest.
We always learn things the hard way, the easy way just doesn't get the messages across. we'll never appreciate things till we've lost them and appreciation is one important ingredient in a friendship. And yes I learnt it the hard way. It feels terrible to stray unintentionally from a close friend and trust is one thing that you can't get back without losing some each time it's broken. oh wow another addition to my list of fucked up relations.
I've taken so much comfort in church and in cell recntly, more than I have ever. Probably because of the couple of strained relations in school but also because the church is a place where i can live as who I want to be and not who I am presently. Speaking so much about wanting to become a better person, i soon realised that I needed to actually start living it at some point in time and church has really provided me the opportunity. Yes it's not easy entering into a 360 degrees change in school and everyday life with all the people who know you so well. At some point of time though I'll have to start being betetr in daily lie as well and I'm giving in fully to the temptation of procrastination on this matter.
Finally, soccer is driving me nuts, I'm not enjoying it anymore. Competition is killing the beautiul game, at least for me. Pressure to perform is sky high and everything about the team since to be adding on to the stress level. Once in a lifetime yes, but i would want the opportunity only if it's a once in a lifetime chance to play alongside people and enjoy the game. love and brotherhood in soccer team is such bullshit, it's so far from that it makes so many of us look like politicians. And since we're in a compulsary state of unity(meaning we have to play as a team), I'm starting to wonder if I want to win it with this team. I don't really feel that much desire to, and that's just because i just have no love for this team. I'm sure so many of them feel the same way too with all the talk of wanting to win something for personal glory and fame and whatever else. To put it simply we are not a unit but seperate pieces of jigsaw which as far as I can tell don't even fit in the same puzzle.
So there's a summary of everything that's going on in my head right now. We had some farewell party for j2s yesterday as a cell. Rather pleased with the event since the j1s planned it and it went on smoothly. Kind of scary to see how stressed out they are right now and I'm just 12 months away from it. life sucks doesn't it. Anyway I got to know some people better and I'm rather happy about it.
There, an ending on a happy note.
posted by here's to all our vice at 9:43 PM
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