Some snow would be nice

That's what I thought when it kept raining this holidays.

One of those days I took bus service 51 and slid down memory lane. How appropriate for it to pass jurong entertainment centre at the start. It was where we hung out. All over the floor it was our space. We needed no chairs or tables, just a space on the floor and a portion of a wall. I loved it. I guess we all did. The place's changed, fittingly so since the school moved out of west coast, our west coast. No more large spaces of floor, it's all shops and push carts now. We've all grown up haven't we my dear entertainment centre.

The old rv buliding's being renovated into commonwealth secondary school. It's a sad sight and a hard one to bear as well. I never thought I would feel like a part of that school while I was in it. The world outside didn't turn out to be a better place and I'm so sorry I wanted out all the time. The basketball courts, the principal's office, the classrooms, the hall, it all belonged to us as much as we belonged to it. The backgate which we climbed every other day. The street soccer court nearby which we proceeded to after scaling the gate. God knows how much I miss those days.

I wanted to write more, but I decided not to because no one else would understand. And for those who've been there, we all know what it was like and what RV stood for and will stand for in our lives. We all know it's beyond what words can describe. It sounds cliche but it's true and when we meet decades after we've graduated, we'll still remember west coast.

You don't know me you don't even care.

Tell me am I very far

Army lies ahead.

I'm not afraid of joining the Army. More than anything I'm afraid of change, of loss. It's not like going to a new school or a new class, it marks the end of so much and the beginning of what is less. Yes. No. Sir. Wow they even have the speech to go with the lesser life.

If you haven't noticed yet I'm not exactly optimistic about serving the country for two green years.

So it seems I can be distracted by the unpleasant things which lay behind. A levels and the politcs of life. I could look forward to Army I guess. A fresh start or a temporary honeymoon from it all whatever it is, the irony remains in how 'always look on the bright side of life' can turn into a case of 'the lesser of two evils'.

Well I might as well touch on what lay behind. A levels wasn't terrific for me. I screwed up my maths for sure and I'm not sweeping As in the other sunjects either. What I've brought away from the ACSperience? A whole host of contacts and a couple of good friends. The keepers versus the others. I'm glad for the few of them.

Tell me all your thoughts on God, tell me am I very far. Indeed I am.

Who set the stars in their place?

I decided it would be a great pity were this blog to go to waste and rot and have hence decided to revive it. I guess I won't be having much time to do so in the future so I'll do a big update now.

Perhaps God would be a good place to start the year and the revival, and I do hope I don't just mean the blog here.

So God. Jesus. Beautiful Saviour. Beautiful stranger. It's sort of like a high profile person in school. You've heard the name, heard all about her, seen for yourself how pretty she is but just haven't gotten down to speaking to and knowing her. I've witnessed God in the lives of so many week in week out in church yet ever so often I find myself asking to be put in such positions and asking for God to grace me with a miracle or two every now and then. I wish God would talk to me. I'm so ashamed of a life in which so often the voice of a conscience simply isn't enough to change it. In fact not having a strong physical encounter with God might just be keeping me going. The hope that there is something out there strong enough to deliver the change in your life does sustain us more than we can usually imagine. I've often wondered what it would be like when the time comes and God speaks to me and tells me to get out of this ditch, and each time I've been so afraid of the possibility that it might not be enough to turn me away.

Say it for me, say it to me, and I'll leave this life behind me. Easier said than done's found it's meaning there.

Who set the stars in their place? Maybe the stars chose to be where they are. Maybe they've experienced the cruelty of freedom too.