Adieu In-betweens

I was on the mrt some days ago from bukit batok to buona vista and there's this new system that has trains from the north-south line going towards pasir ris without the transit at jurong east. Which got me thinking about how we are starting to do without transition periods in our lives in general. Like the through-train education system etc. Life's becoming really stressful nowadays. I mean don't you miss those periods of transitions where you can actually pause and take a breather? We don't even have that time where you walk to shops to get stuff anymore, you can just click on it and volia. It's like how commercials are needed in between tv programmes.

So when you countdown to 2006, take a moment to commemorate the death of transition periods in our lives because they no longer exist unlike the 10 secconds between the new and the old year.

Tsunami. I don't really think the people have to be remembered in such extravagent fashion. Firstly because I maintain that they didn't make a sacrifice. They were sacrificed. There's a difference. One's by choice the other is due to ill fate. And there's no glory really in exalting them because it wasn't a choice that they made, it just happened. Don't get me wrong I'm not being unsympathetic and cold-hearted, in fact I do pity them i mean here you are minding your own business and nature comes and fuck with you just because she feels like it and you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, but I think they should not be commemorated more than anybody else that dies on a regular deathbed.

Had soccer camp for the past 2 days. I think there were some really beautiful moments things felt good.In those split moments I actually looked at the people being extraordinarily comfortable with one another and thought hey it feels like a team.

christ

how often do we forget that the most important part of christmas is in the first 6 letters?

It's my first christmas spent at church. I thought it was okay, nothing too fantastic though. the festive period started on the 23rd I think when the musical was screened for the first time. Went with chong U, carmen and trixia and most of the time I was figuring how to fall asleep in the small congested space which could make simply anybody claustrophobic. It then really made my day when I was making my way through the absolutely singaporean crowd outside the church when the musical ended. I don't like the adult congregation of this church. I never have. They are just such singaporeans, rushing for the refreshments, pushing and shoving and just being a major inconvenience to others. I think this is one thing really that we could correct in our generation and not let it pass on and on.

Basically christmas was a bitch on the 23rd.

Christmas eve turned out much better and I really enjoyed giving out chocolates. People in church are just more appreciative of things and they make you want to give them stuff. The 24th was much better because the bulk of the congregation was made up of youths. plus I missed half the musical while at some family dinner. I've rown to respect my uncle a lot, the way he's brought his children up. In my opinion it's a miracle from God if a parent is able to bring up his children without imposing his own ideals and principles on them and having them turn out as good people. My parents didn't have this gift and I'm thankful sometimes for my rebellious nature because otherwise I would have fallen into a personality which isn't at all mine. by the way the turkey was good.

Some of us slept over at ephraim's place and we were up all night talking about a lot of things. Cell issues mainly and I'm kind of relieved that I could vomit a lot that I've been keeping inside; out. being in a cell group is a commitment to bonding with people. And needless to say it implies having to communicate with people. For us as blessed non-mutes we usually do that with our mouths. You don't bond without talking. It just doesn't happen, if you can establish a bonding that doesn't involve using your mouths(don't get me wrong), it must be mutual lust and plain horniness. Even mutes use sign language.

Some days ago I came across the slogan of our country's police force on one of the mrt signboards. Be extraordinary. Really, what the fuck(in an amusing way). It's so pathetic. Think about it. We all know nobody wants to be a police officer, at least not after you past the age of like 7 and realise you don't get to shoot and kill baddies day in day out, not to mention your parents keeping you well-informed on the proper ambitions you should be having. So what the hell, be extraordinary?! In a bad way yes. I wonder if the people in it actually buy this nonsense. They have to be extraordinarily stupid to do so. ok end of me being a bastard and pointing out how the lower occupations in singapore are giving themselves self-comfort.

Speaking of slogans, here's the new slogan for procrastination. 5 minutes more.

The Christmas Shoes

The Christmas Shoes by Newsong

It was almost Christmas time
There I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two
Not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And in his hands he had
A pair of shoes

And his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight

They counted pennies for what seems like years
And cashier says son there's not enough here
He searches is pockets frantically
And he turned and he looked at me
And he said Momma made Christmas good in our house
Most years she just did without
Tell me Sir
What am I gonna do?
Some how I gotta buy her these Christmas shoes

So I laid the money down
I just had to help him out
And I'll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Momma's gonna look so great

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight

I knew I'd caught a glimpse of Heaven's love
As he thanked me and ran out
I knew that God had sent that little boy to remind me
What Christmas is all about

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight

I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight



I don't usually post songs on my blog in fact I've never posted songs on my blog. But this one is really special so I've decided to share it.

flawless imperfection

I really think it is thus so. The way people are imperfect after original sin. It's become like a norm and something acceptable in the world and no one is sin free. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be perfect. Like if eve hadn't touched the fucking apple.

I have this grand plan of starting to do quiet time next year. Hope it works out well.

Christmas is coming. I don't feel a thing. Christmas has always been a fleeting thing for me, with family gatherings littered with the redundent conversational formalities and presents from people you barely talk to for most parts of the year. I say most because we celebrate chinese new year too. I wonder if it's gonna be anything different this year, with my involvement in church and all, it's really been a great year for me as far as serving is concerned. maybe i'll look forward to next christmas after this one.

I was kind of disappointed with myself today, and yes wtf this is becoming a trend maybe it's a good thing to feel guilt it means you're more sensitive and actually have more people and god to account to, and I cannot believe some of the comments I made about some people. I have to be less judgemental. Greg said that perception is a gift but how are we supposed to stop in the fine line between perception and judgement? It's so hard sometimes i'd rather just lay it all down and say fuck it i'm not doing anything about it.

School's re-opening. I'm really scared. I've never had this little confidence in my studies before and I sure as hell don't want to screw up next year.

end of mad camp

I'm both sad and relieved at the same time. Sad because just when I've gotten to know some people better the camp ends. Dang 3 days is way too short. But I'm really relieved to be getting out of the suffocating job of being in the camp committee. Final briefing is on this afternoon and I expect to get bombarded with negative remarks on my performance. I've mingled more with the campers than the committee during the times that I'm not in my emcee role. I'll have no problem taking it though, it's worth it since I made really good friends.

Much thanks really to carmen,stef, cheryl, jon lo, keith,jeremiah,marcus and hannah for participating and making it much more bearable for me.

Anyway on the previous topic of vulnerability, I've come to think of it as a gift to the people you really love around you. Love is giving one the ability to hurt you but trusting her not to. Really relevant. Although then I'm not too sure what's gonna make a bgr any more special than a relationship with your close friends besides sweet nothings and acts of physical intimacy.

I've really neglected a lot of my friends dring this camp, especially the virus peeps, missing the sunday soccer for the 5th week in a row. And i was always busy the times they wanted to go out during weekdays. It's over now though, time to take a break from mad church life. Oh then there's the homework factor. fuck.

vulnerability

Alina said something that really hit the bull's eye today. We sent the second wave off to timor at the airport today. Nothing much really the whole scene was more of a formality if anything. Anyway we were on the topic of future partners and what you would look for in them. So I said I didn't think couples should need each other, because necessity results in a sense of obligation and I'd rather just like the other person because it's more like a choice. Then she said maybe I was afraid to be vulnerable, because when you need somebody you automatically become vulnerable. Come to think of it, I'm probably sub consciously really afraid of that.

I like depending on people, friends and all that. I need company like 24/7 and I've always thought that I need a lot of my friends. By allowing these many objects of neccessity into my life, I'm actually reducing the effect one friend can have on my life. It's sort of a self defence mechanism so that I'm not especially vulnerable to any one single person.

I wouldn't want to need my partner also because it would then make the connection similar to those with my normal friends.

I don't like taking myself apart like that, but I think looking at yourself from as objective a point of view as possible is important, not to mention interesting.

M@D camp starts tmr, I'm not too excited about it, but oh well who said doing God's work would be fun all the time? I don't think it's possible to do a lot of it with a happy heart but I try to do it willingly at least.

hamsters

woo I got hamsters. Pearl white and sapphire..i'm really pleased with them coz they are like the two most beautiful breeds in my opinion. Especially the pearl white though he's really fiesty, biting and running away all the time.

So i bought a packet of hamster food today and when i opened it it was teeming with baby cockroaches and they all started coming all over the floor. I was so pissed off that I had to deal with the fucking mess and I'm so not gonna let it rest like that. I'm intending to go to the pet store tmr and probably make a scene and demand compensation. and I'm not expecting like 10 dollars I'm quite going for a hundred at least. I'm gonna claim that I called pest control to fog the whole house and that I brought my hamsters to the vet which burned my wallet, plus all the cab fares and the trouble. I hope i don't meet too much resistance and that the manager would be scared if I appeared like I knew my stuff and rights. "I could sue you for up to half the amount of compensation you'd have to sue your supplier for" I'm like so proud of that line. haha I'll buy a few more packets tmr which I'm so certain are pest infested as well and I'll threaten to call the new paper down. yay I hope I can get a decent amount.

The week has been so exhausting. oh and I forgot to mention the stupid match with the batch of 2000. It was so full of crap coz like half he team didn't appear and I started as centre back. Before saturday I couldn't have imagined myself playing that position at all I'm bloody winger for goodness sake. So I was quite pissed off and I realised how little stamina u need to play centre back I was barely warmed up even into the second half.i really felt like I wasted my time but oh well it did force me to go in for headers, something I don't usually like doing.

I quote from SPG's blog "I find it absolutely unbelievable that God would have sent down Christ to experience humanity, without allowing him to feel guilt. It’s one of the biggest human sensations, and you can’t feel guilt if you’ve never sinned." I think this is really thought provoking. And I don't even have an answer to that. But all I know is that it doesn't change the fact that christ died for all our sins.

i hate being friends with benefits though I know such people are absolutely necessary in our lives. We'd never recognise sincerity without them.

my house!

HELLO! BRYAN KEEPS BUGGING US TO GUEST BLOG SO HERE WE ARE!

we just watched a fucking good show (according to bryan). THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR. wait. but the stupid actress in that show is super ugly. She doesn't deserve that super sexy 007guy.yumyum. bryan is thinking of ponning soccer training. bryan has 1000000000000000000 pirated vcds and dvds. POLICEMEN SHOULD RAID HIS HOUSE AND NAB HIM. comecomecome. he masturbates with gatsby wax. bryan just drank 2 bottles of alcohol. he think its super cool and claims that he likes the taste of it when he's actually ADDICTED to it. btw. he loves elsa.

yeah sure I do kyna just said ilu to her on msn. btw those were guest bloggers kyna and cyrena

bag search

So I was with a friend and he got his bag searched at an mrt station. He's chinese and looks the least bit like a terorist and seriously wtf man. Given the percentage of people they check they wouldn't catch a bomb threat even if it were to present itself. I really hate such ceremonial measures taken by our government. Right so now people have one more measure to write about in social studies, yeah big deal. And because my chinese friend got checked I kind of think that maybe they're using this to show their indiscrimination towards the other races when it comes to the possibility of terrorism. So this crap actually serves every purpose except to prevent someone from walking right onto an mrt with a c4.

I simply cannot believe music junction and that CD shop don't sell carrie underwood.

Tmr the first wave of people are leaving for east timor. Will miss them. Carmen, cleo eeli and jun. I kind of regret not going for it so I'm gonna spend this week studying so i don't feel so bad about it. oh and it's been a long while since I visited the airport.

I thought church weekend was a real fuckup. It seems like every little thing was out to piss me off. I hate introverts I really do. I think that communication ranks on the human list of neccessities right behind food air and water and people who don't wanna talk to nobody and take the initiative should not be in the world.

I hate it when adults get deliberately long winded because they think that we don't get it. It's both an insult to my comprehension of english and a display of lack of confidence. It's a bit rude in my opinion.

Wall

What's wrong with not wanting to open up? Freedom of communication is a right and it doesn't always refer to the right to speak up, taking a closer look, it should actually refer to the choice to speak up. So there is obviously a negative part of that where we have the right to not express ourselves. Nobody is obliged to embrace anyone into his or her life be it family or classmate or churchmate whatever. Obligation never fails to put down the pleasure of choice in doing something. Maybe that is why sometimes we open up easier to strangers and people we don't cross paths with, meaning they're not in your social circle. Because we're not obliged to open up to them there's a lot more joy doing it.

Misunderstood, this would encourage cliques, but it's not what I'm saying. The world would be a better place if people stopped thinking that we're obliged to lower the drawgate to every one of our neighbours and actually start making smart choices. It sucks for you if you're an anti-social introverted fuck-up but that's the way life is people don't have to pity u and befriend u.

So I visited elsa again for lunch when her in-charge was away so we had a lot more time to roam around ntu. We wandered into NIE and there happened to be some exhibition. We pretended to be part of it and ate for free at the buffet lol. Then we attended some tour in this classroom of the future thingy. Basically it's this room that looks plucked out of The Jetsons and you're so connected to everything and everybody all the time, on the train, at home etc.

This insane level of connection will only cause the earth to revolve faster and more people to break down due to stress levels but it is quite inevitable in my opinion given this highly competitive world. The people at NIE seemed quite honoured that 2 jc students wearing school t-shirts actually graced their event haha. We got a free t-shirt too. Quite worth the trip down if u ask me with the freebie and lunch.