Sunday, February 25, 2007

Jesus what can I bring

what can I give.

I guess you could say I'm giving much less nowadays.

Like my first time when I caught fire. I miss it when I could feel so passionate about God.

Jesus take me, keep me for a while.

all I do is keep breathing.

on a sidenote, there are many good movies out, don't have the time to watch them though.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

ain't it funny

People surprise you all the time. The most insignificant hi-bye friend can turn out to be far more concerned about you than you can imagine. Sometimes we should probably take some time to appreciate the many friends whom we neglect so easily because to them we might just mean more than we can imagine.

flip flip, every coin has two sides.

where was I when they handed out the knowing-you-are-loved

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I may stumble yeah I might fall

I'm only human but aren't we all?

They do say that whenever you look back and reflect, things do seem a lot better tha they actually were and most of us probably do not have pen and paper to put down how we feel at every instant, every conflict, every emotional ripple. Maybe we do look back in wisdom but recording events long after they take place do seem like the best available form of reliving moments in our lives. Which is sad since it doesn't allow us to relive th moments to the fullest. Ah I'm growing old.

I'm rather nervous about results but at the same time too preoccupied to think about it. I wonder if I'd get stressed out if it just sits there at the back of my head and explodes as the actual day draws near. In the rare moments I am free and not too tired to let my thoughts roam, I do relive the math paper the chem paper and the english essays. Oh well there's no stopping it from coming so what the heck.

I feel like cinderella on book in days. Bailing on my friends at 6pm everytime. Apart from the fact that I'm not exactly living a fairytale, that came to me as quite amusing.

So hello good friend

Sunday, February 18, 2007

We break we bend with hand in hand

Stuck without a captain or a chart
no one seems to know just who to follow anymore
Hang on
Hang on
There's a twilight, a night time and a dawn
who knows, how long
So hang on
hang on

Happy new year? What's so bad about the last one?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Cadence

I probably should be writing more often. Somehow my english is deteriorating such that I'm not even sure if I just spelt that word correctly.

So I enlisted on the 12th of January. It's ironic how my hygiene levels have increased after going in to tekkong. You become more conscious and start washing your face more often, brush your teeth more frequently and bathe as many times a day as possible. Anyway so camp's been nothing short of what I expected except for the training and punishment part. I guess it got dubbed the 'welfare company' for a reason. My fitness level is actually decreasing and I clocked a 2.4 timing slower than what I could manage in sec 3. So much for boys to men.

Paradox aside, the place has been rather mundane where all one ever looked forward to was breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime. Last night there was supposed to be some outing to clark quay with platoon mates and it's just the second weekend. Oh how the world forgets and abandons. To say story of our lives would sound like wallowing in self pity. I didn't go with them. Not that I didn't want to watch soccer, I was just afraid to take that first step. The step in which your take your social life in both hands and cross over to the world of army boys.

Church wasn't that bad. It felt good in fact, the failiar feel of the auditorium. God's peace you could say. Sermon and all wasn't all that I had hoped for but the visit was mainly to let me rememebr what church feels like. I know people probably don't mean any harm when they ask about army and life in camp but it just makes me feel even more detached. I really appreciated the few people who came across in more of a let's-pick-up-where-we-left-off manner. Then again you could say they probably didn't care enough to ask.

So it seems nothing anyone does will bring me over from behind the margin to where everybody else is. It's a ns state of mind you see. Everything just seems bad and worse and when you get back to camp you spend your time in there looking forward to the next weekend where you can feel it all over again. Funny isn't it?

There's no end to what I'd give to know.