Neutrality

Is it all that good to sit one the fence, not cross any lines and not take any sides? Sometimes the level of apathy really shocks me I mean it's so hard to not dislike anything at all. The plus point is that u get a lot of friends but I think that being neutral will not get you far in your friendships. Though not being neutral might get you enemies and problems and stuff like that but doesn't the old line of wisdom go quality not quantity? The tricky part about this is whether both quality and quantity can exist at the same time. It's baffling o.O

I spent today with virus peeps. Yeah I hope we can continue spening sundays like this I really love these guys and I hope we'l still remain connected even when we're all too old to play soccer. Went with peck lim and kenneth to have dessert at my old neighbourhood. Really miss that place but the dessert part really pissed me off. I've never seen such a huge difference from what is shown in the picture before. There is so much white tasteless ice in the real thing, it's like eating ice with a few pathetic pieces of lychee. The ice kachang looked three dimensional in the picture and more two dimensional in actual. So irritating.

I wonder if people can remain good friends even if they don't spend much time together. I have some friends like that and even though we talk once in a long while there is still that closeness present. i'm really grateful for this because all you have is 24 hours a day and due to circumstances like different schools and whatever, you just don't get to see some people often. it's a great feeling knowing that there's someone there for you when you are in need of a friend. not that you should only go to them when in need but yeah the ever-present support is really heart warming. A stark contrast to people whom we spend so much time with and end up knowing nothing about them and not being close at all. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, how true.

Pastor Ferdie Flores, a missionary in East Timor is getting executed by beating tmr. I think it's scary but I just hope his death won't be for nothing. I don't ever think I will have the courage to put my life on the line even for God, I mean how many of us can really do it? Many of us want to do it, it's glorious and romantic and all to die for what you believe in but how many of us ar actually brave enough to do it? I know I'm not and I admire this guy so much for his courage. God be with him.

last day of school

we're in the com lab having pw now. Guys are playing dota ok meaghan's 10 mins o fame as guest blogger =)

hey bryan's blog readers! meaghan here! in case some of u dont know, im bryan's classmate and fellow lit mate. ahaha so we're supposedly good in our language but pls dun take tt to heart in this blog entry.
hmms so we're all in the com lab and most of the class guys are busy WOWing ( world of warcraft-ing ). oh mans for guys out there who have yet to try this game, please PLEASE do not ever start playing it. cos if u do, u'll never stop. i guarantee u that. ahaha i swear the majority population of the guys are sooo addicted to this game. im not sure what it's full title but ya the guys would know. i always wonder what new trend will come up to replace this but i was tinking that even if a new trend can ever replace these, it'd prob be as addictive and so a vicious cycle comes about! how annoying is that.
to be fair, girls do have an addiction too. for most of us, it's shopping or even gossiping or jus plain talking too much. im quite sure most guys cant stand us girls when we go on a shopping spree, dragging them along, mainly cos girls can go the wholeee day walking from shops to shops, and at the end of the day, some of us go home with ONE new piece of clothing or even nothing at all! i'm guilty of this but wells. we cant help it. at least we do some exercise walking around! ahaha oh btw, kelly says hi! she's another classmate of ours. ok so im gonna stop now in case i start to ramble on. sooo till the next time bryan allows me to guest blog, byee!!

ok so I've been kind of unofficially fired as the physics rep since somebody else has decided to start printing physics stuff for the class now haha. Anyway so I was thinking how sad kids of this generation and the next are coz they don't have any new fairy tales. As in the cinderella and beauty and the beast kind. I think those stories are really beautiful although they are so old kids won't really be interested anymore and as a result miss out on great stuff. So I was wondering why no one ever thought of writing new fairy tales. It's not really that hard right, maybe I will.

ok end of school term.

All I want for christmas

is, well I've got no idea right now. The girl who promoted A Christmas Carol yesterday did have a great voice though and she did a terrific version of the song. I've always been envious of people with good vocals especially those diva-like voices. Anyway I'm quite keen on going for A Christmas Carol, it's not a carol but a play based on the classic by charles dickens, though nobody else seems to be as keen. Tmr's the last day to purchase tickets and I desperately need someone to go with.

So I got DEEE which absolutely pissed me off coz I don't think I had anything moderated except chem, ok maybe it was moderated but I didn't jump any grades like so many other people did in so many of their subjects. So I appealed to keep four subjects and the techer-in-charge allowed me to after a really long discussion, strings attached obviously, I had to get CCDE for term exams next year. Feel rather embarrassed that i had to go to such extents to keep four subjects, but now that I've done it I'll just make the best of my second chance and deal with people around me and even myself thinking of me as a bloody fuck up.

Halloween's coming up though I really don't give a flying fuck about it since half my friends are going clubbing, most of the others don't celebrate it and whatever is left is from church and we are not supposed to celebrate it.

Gambling's scary, people around me have been doing it a lot in these boring school days. I don't understand how you could take money from your friends like that. It just doesn't feel right for me, maybe that's because we never used to pay up when we played before. People can lose like 30 bucks in 15 minutes god how fucked up is that.

Word of the day : fuck.

oreo cheesecake

is simply orgasmic.

So I stayed home today. in other words ponned school. Finished up season 2 of one tree hill and I can't wait for season 3. In my opinion this is the best high school drama ever.So i went on to Band of Brothers which is really good too even after only two episodes and I realised how wrong i was to think that my studying war literature would make the show any less enjoyable. Having the guy from FRIENDS(Ross) act in a war serial is really weird though you just keep expecting him to say something funny here and there. So there i've been entertaining myself with dvds, can't imagine life without them.

John F Kennedy once said that the courage of life is a mixture of triumph and tragedy, I'm starting to think maybe i'm living the tragedy part all at once right now. Moderated results will be out tmr, it's not exactly within my control so no point worrying I guess.

Met ephraim for lunch today and I read a book while he studied at mac. A bunch of irritating primary school kids came in and it was so funny just sitting there and listening to them. They were on the topic of babies, okay I know this is too cliche and classic to be not plucked out of some local drama but it's true, they were talking about where babies came from. the theory was that sperms carried oxygen and the babies in the eggs stated breathing. Yes I was sprawled all over the table especially with the little kid's matter-of-fact tone in place.

The year's coming to an end, I've been thinking so much has changed since I left RV and entered AC. For some good and a lot of worse. It's interesting when you recall some thoughts and opinions you had of people at the start of the year and compare it to those you have at present. how things you would never expect have happened and then think of all the different what if scenarios. What if I had been in another class what if i haven't quit CF, what if I haven't met so and so and what I would do without so and so etc etc and at the end of the day agree with the voice at the back of your head reminding you how time's a bitch that never turns back and you just gotta continue on the road you've picked at one point in time or another. Wouldn't it be nice to have save points in life like in RPG games? You could always load and go back to where you started and take the alternative path. it would be nice but oh well I'm happy with the way life is teaching me things this way, not like I have a choice but for the record I'm happy with learning from choices.

Yesterday a friend told me how looks are nearly everything when looking for a steady or whatever and asked me "wouldn't you go for a pretty girl instead of a not so pretty one?" I mean yes i would because appearance is a big part of first impressions but it never has and never will outweigh traits like say having a brain once second and third impressions have been put in place. In fact I've grown to find intelligence, not in an academic sense but sort of like ability to rationalise, very attractive. Kind of glad AC is full of pretty girls coz it makes looks less outstanding and easier to look past.

So I'm off to enjoy the rest of my night before the tragic result slip comes tmr.

left the front door open

so walk right in.

Friends should do that, and not wait to be asked in. Small acts of initiative show a lot of concern and i guess that means a lot in a friendship doesn't it. I like a friend who'll take the first step to get involved in my life and today I just realised how it was important that I be such a friend as well. Met up with the rv guys for soccer and realised how detached I've grown from them and i'm so mad at myself for having neglected this group of wonderful friends. It's the first time I've met up since exams ended. Always waiting for them to call me for soccer when I should be the one taking the initiative to ask if they're playing. alright my bad.

So I've been thinking and sulking about my results, especially while knowing there'll be moderation. I've gotten a bare pass so i'll promote but it doesn't really look like I'll be keeping my four subs so basically there's nothing in it for me and moderation is just gonna make my report card look a wee bit better. Yes I'm just sore that moderation is gonna be the difference for so many people but not for me.

Church was about BGR and love yesterday. So I've been flirting with the ideas of living life in the temporal recently and so what's so good about marriage? Let's take the societ with the highest saturation of christians for example, America. 50% of marriages end in divorce there, so why aim for marriage? According to the speaker yesterday, all relationships not aimed at marriage would end up in break-ups. Why not? I mean at least we know where we're headed. it's not like it's any difficulty to find someone else who doesn't go into a relationship for marriage as well these days. I'm not talking temporal pleasures condemned by the bible like sex I mean what's in it is company, emotional intimacy and all that. As long as both parties are prepared I think it's ok, it's like eating chocolate and knowing you'll get fat. Doesn't go against the bible too.

I want to enter into a 360 degrees change, but all you end up doing is turning around and realising that you're still the same person you used to be. I guess it's more about making others like that person than changing him.

hey stranger

have you ever had someone who you're not really close to and only known for a while and started talking to her as if you've known each other for ages? It's not like flirting or picking up people it's different like a sort of weird closeness. Feels so warm and nice when such a thing happens. And again seriously it is not like flirting or picking up people at a bar it's not even headed anywhere near sex or dating.

ok so I now know that I've failed maths, I don't know by what margin but i failed and that sucks.I am pissed off I am so sure now that I'm gonna have to drop a subject which doesn't just suck but is fucked up. Probably gonna get wasted on friday night after receiving the results.

had the tougest training today ever in my life. I like the new teacher-in-charge, he's out to win something for the team and pushes us like hell. I know I won't regret putting in the hours to sharpen my soccer skills and it's in all that madness that the team seemed really together, something not seen for some time already.

Someone once said that we always talk about wanting to do this and that but by the time we decide to actually start doing it it's too late. That's just so true, procrastination is a big enemy. Living life on a sense of impulse can be great. It's like skipping all the rationalising and stupid concerns which we have and just living out whatever you feel like. I think it adds so much more to our life. Homer Simpson lives on impulse and look how that turned out. I hate a boring life.

I read a book recently about how our lives only occur once and not again and again and thus we do not have a previous life or next life to compare with this one, hence our lives cannot become better and better. The author then reasons that because of this we might as well not live our lives meaningfully but indulge in temporary pleasures like and especially sex and orgasms. You won't get a chance to know how your life could be better anyway right? So today I was thinking about it and decided that Jesus has the answer to this, we live our lives not so that it would change and better our next life but we live it to affect the other lives around us, like he did. I felt stupid to miss out how the theory in the book was being totally selfish. So there I was kinda enlightened.

Post Promos Stress

ok I'm back on blog sorry for the delay in revival due to a mad computer and 72 hours.

Right so I'll start from where I left off. Promos. Ack. Didn't go very well so i don't think I'll be kepping four subjects, will probably drop physics. The results will be out this friday.fingers crossed.

So the dreadful examination period is over but I've got a load on my mind heavier than any textbooks will ever be. Relationships with people, the church and soccer are totally blowing my mind off.

So much of the time we think about how people have been disappointing and picking out little imperfections about them but what if one day you wake up to realise that you've been the disappointment? I've been doing so much wrong in dealing with people especially those I do not like. Maybe i've really become more and more like the person who I've spent all this while condemning. Who would have known we would swap places. I'm pretty pissed with myself leaving the backdoor open like that. It's never easy to admit you're wrong and it's even harder to ask for forgiveness but I guess I'd have to give it a shot, there's no other way to answer to myself besides doing that.Hope time will do the rest.

We always learn things the hard way, the easy way just doesn't get the messages across. we'll never appreciate things till we've lost them and appreciation is one important ingredient in a friendship. And yes I learnt it the hard way. It feels terrible to stray unintentionally from a close friend and trust is one thing that you can't get back without losing some each time it's broken. oh wow another addition to my list of fucked up relations.

I've taken so much comfort in church and in cell recntly, more than I have ever. Probably because of the couple of strained relations in school but also because the church is a place where i can live as who I want to be and not who I am presently. Speaking so much about wanting to become a better person, i soon realised that I needed to actually start living it at some point in time and church has really provided me the opportunity. Yes it's not easy entering into a 360 degrees change in school and everyday life with all the people who know you so well. At some point of time though I'll have to start being betetr in daily lie as well and I'm giving in fully to the temptation of procrastination on this matter.

Finally, soccer is driving me nuts, I'm not enjoying it anymore. Competition is killing the beautiul game, at least for me. Pressure to perform is sky high and everything about the team since to be adding on to the stress level. Once in a lifetime yes, but i would want the opportunity only if it's a once in a lifetime chance to play alongside people and enjoy the game. love and brotherhood in soccer team is such bullshit, it's so far from that it makes so many of us look like politicians. And since we're in a compulsary state of unity(meaning we have to play as a team), I'm starting to wonder if I want to win it with this team. I don't really feel that much desire to, and that's just because i just have no love for this team. I'm sure so many of them feel the same way too with all the talk of wanting to win something for personal glory and fame and whatever else. To put it simply we are not a unit but seperate pieces of jigsaw which as far as I can tell don't even fit in the same puzzle.

So there's a summary of everything that's going on in my head right now. We had some farewell party for j2s yesterday as a cell. Rather pleased with the event since the j1s planned it and it went on smoothly. Kind of scary to see how stressed out they are right now and I'm just 12 months away from it. life sucks doesn't it. Anyway I got to know some people better and I'm rather happy about it.

There, an ending on a happy note.