Monday, May 29, 2006

Regaining Unconciousness

First they put away the dealers
Keep our kids safe and off the streets
Then they put away the prostitutes
Keep married men clustered at home
Then they shooed away the bums
and they beat and bashed the queers
Turned away asylum seekers
Fed us suspicions and fears
We didn't raise our voice
We didn't make a fuss
It's funny there was no one left to notice
When they came for us

Personally, I don't like the song, or at least not as much as I like the lyrics. Discrimination is inevitable and it is a force which nearly reigns supreme in this world, and it really is pathetic that people are dealing with it by trying to fit into the majority of whichever system. What's even sadder is that this is happening even among the people who fight so hard for human rights, freedom etc. I mean what kind of dumb fuck would fight for freedom, and use his freedom to make a choice dictated by the majority of society.

But it's true, nobody has enough guts to be who we really desire to be, assuming that is a different person from what society wants you to be. The sad truth is you'd rather follow the school into the net, because swimming alone in the sea is not the kind of freedom you actually want. I actually admire say gays and lesbians who aren't afraid to be who they are.

So there's been a lot of drama in my life this weekend and I've learnt really that you do things better when you do not think about yourself first. I mean we see that all the time, players who put their team first, patriots who put their country first and the list goes on. And it's a pity to say this but a lot of times when it comes down to the crunch, God's presence isn't exactly the first thing you base your actions on. So the next best thing is to think for the people around you and to do right by them. It's amazing how much more strength one can draw from wanting to protect his loved ones than from motivations of a more predatory nature. History speaks for itself, a country looking to conquer never wins a war, instead the victors are always those who fight to protect.

Nice entry.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

of flunking and flukes

It's high time I did well in something, excellence has eluded me for a long long time now, I miss my old friend.

Right, school term's coming to an end. It's supposed to mark the end of bumming around and the beginning of A level preparations. I'm so damn afraid of not getting enough done this holidays. I mean since secondary school EVERY holiday was about playing non-stop till the last couple of days where the realisation that there's work to be done sits in. This June has to be different.I'm thinking if I tell myself that constantly it actually will be different.

I hate being sick. Now I have to take my NAPFA alone tmr during my free periods.

I've been less stressed out recently, not that much has changed, but my teachers have stopped clamping down on me like hell and I don't know if that's a good thing but, suits me. Maybe it's the lack of training that makes me feel more alive during lessons.

I've been straying from people. Damn I hate it when for no rhyme or reason we become strangers. It's like you've always had it at the back of your head that we're all going to meet up soon but just never got down to it. And when it hits you it's already too late, when you realise you can't even maintain a decent conversation without cracking your brain for topics. Unbelievable that this can happen in a world where everyone's just one phone call, or one sms or a click away.

I love the violin solo in only one by yellowcard. It's damn sex.

Monday, May 15, 2006

touch sight tastes like fire

"If you think about physical intimacy as a form of communication with the body, it doesn't seem that obscene anymore does it?"

That got me thinking. So yes maybe God did invent sex for procreation, but what about foreplay or oral sex and other seemingly purposeless forms of intimacy? It kind of fits in well if all these were a form of communication. I mean what's the difference between a hug and a blowjob? They could both mean 'I love you', though the latter could be thought of as more expressive. It's like someone saying 'I love you' and another saying 'I love you so so so so much'. See what I mean? So I'm kind of wondering why the church is opposed to physical communication. If that be the case, declaring one's love verbally should also be obscene.

Oh and the latest term for contradictions or controversies about the bible is 'a da vinci' I made that up but it sounds kind of funny really.

If you allow something to happen to you, it will happen to you. And according to Murphy's law, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. No wonder life's so miserable. And the only solution to this is an endless resistance campaign against everything that can possibly go wrong in life, and that sure as hell is tiring. o.O scary.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

It just occured to me

I haven't updated in a while.

So a fuckload of stuff happened since my last update. We're out of A div. Have one last match tmr though, hope myself and the other subs can get as much time as possible. The other people have had all season to show the school and everyone they are accountable to what they can do with the ball and surely they have no regrets even crashing out just last week. I hope I get a chance even if it's just to answer to myself alone.

Soccer's over, I feel kinda old. It's A levels and NS and then university. It sucks to not be a kid anymore. And looking back on all that time that would never come back, I think I've wasted so much of it. From secondary school all the way to jc1. From here on it's such a predictable road all the way till we're old and withered. Everyone wants to live a more than avergae life. Casanova lived for the moment and he had one hell of a time. It's kind of a fantasy though, I think, to live for the moment and come out of life with no regrets.

So today there was this speaker who spoke about foreign affairs and had a Q&A session. So this guy asked about how we should not be too pragmatic and focused on benefits instead the government should make decisions with the rest of humanity in mind. It's an ideal really, an ideal which most governments would claim to be. The speaker surprised me really with a no bullshit assessment of things and said that the government thinks of the people first and foremost. As Mel Gibson said in The Patriot 'I am a father. I do not have the luxury of principles' Moral principles are really second priority when you are responsible for the survival and welfare of a whole host of people be it family or country.

I guess I'll be going for the church camp, I hope something good comes out of it.

Oh and my stand on the gospel of judas? So what if jesus really told judas to betray him? As the story goes, Judas did suffer the reputation of a traitor in silence and was exalted when he died. It's not the big a controversy to me. It shows here that obedience to God even when what is requested seems absurd is what God is asking of us, and this is in line with what the rest of the bible teaches. So this would be only as big a controversy as say if John's name was supposed to be johnny or something like that.

Growing up's tough.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Red Zone

We were at Jun Lynn's place last night and womeone happened to talk about the red zones of singapore. Not red light districts but red zones, meaning areas which are likely to be bombed first if we went to war. And bukit panjang is one of them, so is jurong, oh and I never knew why the roads in lim chu kang were so wide and had no barricades in the middle, until last night that is. It seems that was an emergency landing area for aircrafts in war.

Jun was telling us an amusing story about how her friend put staplets between her teeth and pretended to have braces LOL.

Anyway elections are around the corner, I just wish I was living in a contested zone like pasir panjang.

I wish I were given a chance when it mattered, I would hate it if I were given it when it doesn't matter anymore.

I think I'm gaining momentum with my studies and I guess it's full steam ahead from now on.